If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
