Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
