she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
