Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You dont lie about slip and slides
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
