puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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