I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
