I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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