my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
