i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
