drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize