it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
