Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
