I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
