I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
