I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
