I'm so fucking centered right now
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The ass gains better be worth it
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