Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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