Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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