We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
