You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
