do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
