SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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