In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
