I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize