she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
