trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
