Your mouth is God's brothel.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
