are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
