i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
