I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
