did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
