apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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