Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize