He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize