I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
