She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
