it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
