Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
