Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
