please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nicole vs. Life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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