She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
