I hate your face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
