Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
