do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
