Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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