tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
