I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize