I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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