So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
