I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
