they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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