you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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