the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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