You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize