I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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