take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize