I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
