Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
