I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sober January is a disaster.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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