last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
