i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
