Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
