Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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