So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
